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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26978464">Outer Circle</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xGwenxVeerx/pseuds/fangirling-feels'>fangirling-feels (xGwenxVeerx)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bisexual Julie Molina, Bisexual Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Conflicting Feelings, Eventual Fluff, F/M, M/M, Miscommunication, Multi, Pan/Ace Luke Patterson, Pining, eventual OT3, panromantic asexual Luke Patterson, people being oblivious af, so much introspection, so much pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:50:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,066</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26978464</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xGwenxVeerx/pseuds/fangirling-feels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Sometimes life is nothing more than standing on the outside looking in<br/>Feeling like you're out of the loop and you just<br/>start start running til you're finally free<br/>except no one actually reaches out to me </i>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson/Reggie, Julie Molina/Reggie, Luke Patterson/Reggie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>228</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Reggie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Luke had great chemistry with everyone he sang with, which meant that nine out of ten times Luke had some of the best chemistry with Julie, which did count because they’re together. That other time was just Reggie and Luke singing together, and Reggie was certain that he was looking into his and Luke’s interactions too much to the point of making it creepy, which automatically meant that it didn’t count. It wasn’t as if singing with Luke still made him question his sexuality the way that it used to do back when they were still Sunset Curve—when they were still alive, but Reggie didn’t want to focus on </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>—nor that it had to seal the deal anymore than it had done the first time Luke told him that his way of singing wasn’t just a Julie-thing. Not that Reggie would blame him if it had been. Julie was an angel, a rainbow in the sky after a particularly rainy day, and Reggie had almost thought that maybe the chemistry between Luke and Julie was just an effect of how awesome Julie was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Except Luke just had to go and prove Reggie wrong, and even though Reggie had so desperately wanted for it to have no affect on him, that day had ended with another sexuality crisis and the final realisation that Reggie might or might not be bisexual. Which was absolutely wonderful. Really. Honestly. It totally </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> as if he was currently watching Julie and Luke work on a song together, while trying to not show too much that more than anything he just wanted to be a part of that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Which had been another realisation all on its own that Reggie had even less motivation to get into than the sexuality thing. Not that he would have been able to tell anyone when it had even started. All Reggie remembered was looking at Julie and Luke and realising that maybe, just maybe, he wanted to be a part of that more than anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luke and Julie, who already had each other, and who were happy together. There had been no indication that they even wanted him with them, nor that they saw him as anything other than a friend. Hell, even if they did, somehow, miraculously return his feelings—an unlikely case, really—people only ever dated one person at a time, unless they were cheating on their partner, and if Reggie got to choose he’d rather move far away from his friends than ever get involved in some cheating mess that would drive the band apart because of him. He had already driven away enough people in his life, including his parents, he didn’t need to push his bandmates away as well. Especially not if he could help it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And so Reggie just pushed away any and all of his feelings whenever he could, focusing on playing the bass so good that nobody suspected something was off instead, which worked half of the time. Okay, Alex might have asked him once or twice whether he was doing okay, but Reggie just nodded and told him that he was okay. He was okay. Would be okay. Should be okay, really, because Reggie had no reason not to be. He could make music again, and he finally felt like he had a home again, and most of all </span>
  <em>
    <span>he was okay</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His feelings didn’t matter in the whole case of “being okay”, and Reggie certainly wasn’t going to pretend like they suddenly did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That wasn’t to say that it didn’t become incredibly hard to do so, especially during band practice. At first, Reggie had been okay with just playing bass and pretending like little to nothing was happening around him. He didn’t need to see the others in such a relaxed state being truly happy and realise that no matter how much he tried he just couldn’t do the same. Instead, he played the bass, and suggested some lyrics, and tried to get the others into doing a piano song with him, all while ignoring the growing pain of feeling just a little out of place until it became too much to ignore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His breaking point came during practice, which would be a surprise on nobody if they had paid attention, except Reggie wasn’t sure if he had even paid attention himself, which meant that when Luke and Julie were looking at each other like they had hung the stars in the sky and Alex had been talking about Willie again, Reggie just put his guitar and himself away. He wasn’t quite sure if the others had even noticed he was gone, but he was certain that they wouldn’t mind. It wasn’t as if Reggie had been contributing to any song these past few days, so maybe poofing out had just been the most logical choice, reasons be damned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sitting alone at the sea, however, Reggie wasn’t quite sure what he had expected. He was alone now, that’s for certain, and he didn’t need to be reminded about this because there was nobody around him to remind him of it. All he had was the sand around him and the sound of the waves crashing into the shore, a constant set against the irrational beating of his heart. He was okay here, had always been, because something about the sea had always calmed him down when he was ready to give up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The salty smell that hung in the air, the cold feeling of the sand against his feet whenever he dug them just a bit deeper than surface level, the knowledge that he always had a place to return to. If Reggie did manage to screw everything up, he could still try and finally become one with the sea like he had always wanted to do when he was younger.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He drew his legs closer to him, a tear slipping out of the corner of his eyes. He wouldn’t go away from his band, he knew that he didn’t want to because they were the family he never got to have in the first place. It’s just that Luke had Julie, Alex had Willie, and Reggie had his bass guitar, a whole lot of emotional baggage, and himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>All Reggie had to do was learn how to be okay with that.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Julie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Julie knew that when she joined a group of friends that had been together for decades, even died together, that she would feel left out at times.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Julie knew that when she joined a group of friends that had been together for decades, even died together, that she would feel left out at times. There had been so much that they had been through that she wasn't there for, something was bound to come up that Julie simply wouldn't understand. What she hadn't expected, however, was to watch the energy between Luke and Reggie as they practiced for a new song, and to feel like she was left out of a relationship she hadn't even been a part of in the first place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first it had only been the subtle glances that close friends always seemed to share—she and Flynn had often shared a look that encompassed twenty thousand conversations in a matter of seconds—and Julie understood more than anything that she wouldn’t ever have what the boys already shared with each other. She knew that the music they shared was oftentimes enough for her, an understanding that went deeper than the beds of the river she used to play at with her mom. She shared her lyrics and her melodies with them as their friendship started to take form after the songs they wrote together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Flynn first told her about the way she and Luke looked at each other, Julie couldn’t help but feel like something had been missing out of the picture that Flynn was painting for her, yet she wasn’t quite sure what it was. She and Luke did have chemistry, she couldn’t deny that—though perhaps she could question whether she wasn’t reading too much into it—but then again she had seen Luke and Reggie singing together and there was something bigger between them that she couldn’t quite describe. Julie would sit behind her piano, trying out a melody together with Reggie, and look up to see Reggie staring at Luke, and all she could do was stare together with him. Luke was enthralling, capturing everybody’s attention near him, without even realising that he had done so. Julie knew that it had been foolish, yet whenever she looked at Luke playing, alone in his world and completely in touch with his songs, she couldn’t help but hope that Flynn had been right all along.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Reggie’s hand would accidentally touch hers, trying to play the chord that she had stopped at, and the spell was broken, bringing Julie back to earth in a reality where she was left between being really good friends with a few ghosts and trying not to show that she might have been crushing on one of them. Never mind the fact that Reggie was staring at her like he had seen stars in her eyes, never mind the fact that Julie wasn’t sure why she couldn’t quite keep her eyes off Reggie either, never mind the fact that his hand had still been on top of hers. Never mind the fact that Julie only snapped out of the daze she seemed to be trapped in when she heard Luke laughing at the sight of her and Reggie together.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Never mind the fact that she wanted to hear that laugh as often as she could</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So there might be something going on between Luke and Reggie, and Julie couldn’t help but stare from the sidelines, wishing to cross over and play a more important part, yet knowing that she would have only gotten that if she had been there from the start. She shared her passion for music with the boys, and that was already more than she could ask for. Perhaps if she repeated the words often enough they would stop tasting like poison set out to slowly hurt her from the inside out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And if Flynn asked her how things were going between her and Luke, who was going to stop Julie from looking at her best friend and telling her that there hadn’t even been something between them to begin with, other than their shared passion for music. If Reggie asked her if she would be at band practice after school, who was going to stop her from telling him that she had to focus on homework instead, even if it broke her heart to look at Reggie’s face when she said those words. If Luke reached out, who was going to stop her from turning away from him? If Julie decided to keep her tears to herself, who was going to stop her, finally look her in the eyes, and tell her that it was okay to feel?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, Julie kept living, her hands empty as she tried her best not to reach out to any of the boys, occasionally skipping practice because she needed the time alone to sort her thoughts. She noticed Reggie gradually becoming more quiet, withdrawing himself from the discussions, until his bass was the only thing that filled the air around them in the studio. If Luke and Alex had noticed, neither of them had said anything about it, and while Julie wanted so badly to reach out, she was scared of facing reality and forcing said reality on the boys when none of them had asked for it. She noticed Luke still trying to reach out to both of them, confused when neither she or Reggie would respond the way they used to. And yet he kept trying, almost as if he wasn’t used to the changed reality they had ended up in. Julie couldn’t blame him the way she blamed herself for their changed behaviour, as its roots had surely settled within her heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Julie noticed, and yet she didn’t, because Reggie is gone and she hadn’t even noticed that his bass, always present in their studio, had simply stopped. Reggie was gone, and Julie had prided herself in looking when the rest of the world had turned away and yet she hadn’t because Luke had looked at her while writing lyrics for their new song together and Julie couldn’t help but let herself go for a second and look back. Julie had stopped, but so had Reggie, and Julie hadn’t been able to reach out to him because she had stopped doing that too. And what if it hadn’t been her? What if something had just been bothering Reggie, some ghost business that he didn’t want to share yet, and Julie had been trying too much to make it about her again, even if she hadn’t wanted to?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a silence in the studio, before Luke suddenly poofed away, leaving Julie to sit by herself with Alex. There were tears in her eyes threatening to spill, and all Julie wanted was to go and look for Reggie but she didn’t know where to start and so she just sat. Alex whispered something but she was too much in her own world to register the words but he was gone as well, presumably on his way to look for Reggie as well. Because they knew where Reggie would go if he needed time, a fact that Julie didn’t know, and she was yet again reminded why just an outsider within the band.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Julie was walking, though she wasn’t quite sure when she had actually started to or where she was going, but all she knew was that she wanted to be gone from the studio, away from the pain that had started to grow from the walls, away from the silence that had started to grow between her and the boys. She wanted answers yet more than anything she wanted to be gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Julie wasn’t sure the boys would come looking for her quite the same way as they had done with Reggie.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so so much for reading the second chapter of Outer Circle! I was blown away by the feedback on the first chapter, and I truly hope that all of you will stay for what is coming next. Thank you to everyone from the 'Julie and the Fantoms' server that allowed me to send ideas and random snippets and who provided me with some lovely feedback during the writing process, I hope I have done justice to all the expectations that you all have for this chapter. </p><p>If you liked it please leave a kudo, write a comment on that one line that emotionally wrecked you, angrily message me on discord because "what the fuck", analyse this chapter to hell as if you're an English teacher who is looking too deeply into a piece of literature, text your friends about it even though they still haven't started watching Julie and the Phantoms, cry on the inside because this is such a mood, write a tumblr post about it and tag it with "julie and the himbos" just because you can, or just silently hold your thumbs up to your screen. Whatever you choose to do and not to do, I hope you have an amazing day, and I wish you all the best!</p><p>If you want to talk to me some more, you can go to my tumblr (@dutch_anon or @fangirling_feels) or come talk to me on the Julie and the Fantoms discord (I'm on there as Secretly Reggie In Disguise)</p><p>- feather</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Luke</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It starts with Alex, weirdly enough. </p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It starts with Alex, weirdly enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke knew long before he realised that he liked his friend more than just friends. Even then, it was Alex that confessed to him, a few months after Luke realised that </span>
  <em>
    <span>he liked his friend</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The conversation was mixed with Alex coming out to him, which was confusing for Luke to say the least. But it ends with a confession, with Alex crying, with Luke confused, because isn’t this what he had wanted in the first place? It ends with hands holding hands, with a smile that doesn’t quite reach eyes, with a promise that Luke’s not quite sure he was ready to make in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke and Alex get together on a warm summer evening, and they break up on a chilly autumn morning, and Luke doesn’t know what he is supposed to feel but he’s certain that it’s not the emptiness that is residing within himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except, it doesn’t start with Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It starts with Reggie, with their first year in high school, with a friendship that doesn’t quite feel on the same level between the two of them. Luke doesn’t know, if he has to be perfectly honest, why his heart starts beating just a bit faster when Reggie throws his arms around him. Why his palms start sweating when Reggie sits just that bit closer to him than he normally does. Why, above all, he wants to be closer to him constantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s filled with questions, with uncertainty, with a yearning that never fits in place. It’s reaching out without realising, it’s trying to hold back without wanting to. It’s hesitantly holding his hand out, ever so slightly, when they’re walking next to each other, but never more than that. It’s confusing for Luke, perhaps even more for Reggie, but neither of the boys ever comment on it. They move on, and perhaps Luke will look back on it later with an understanding he doesn’t yet have. Maybe he’ll be able to place the puzzle pieces and see the picture they make. For now, he’ll deal with the ache in his heart as if it was never there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It starts with Reggie, even when Luke doesn’t know that it does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Death doesn’t favour the curious, or the scared. It takes and it takes, and never answers why. Luke didn’t know why he was still hoping for any answers. He stopped questioning years ago, when he looked at Alex and realised that there was something more than he had expected at first. He had an answer, handed to him on a silver plate, and he had been okay with that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke died, and apparently that had meant nothing, because he met Julie and how could something have felt so right and so wrong at the same time? They connected through music, through lyrics, and Luke knew when he looked at Julie that he wanted her in his life from then on. It was almost impossible, but that didn’t mean that he would stop hoping. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except he’s not quite sure what he wants from her. With her. Julie makes him happy, makes him smile, understands him, and he wants nothing more than to be able to return that feeling. Maybe he wants to hold her hand, and maybe he wants to hold her closer to him, and maybe he wants to kiss her? He thinks, at least, that that’s what he wants. What he should want. Feelings never made sense to him, and maybe he had hurt Alex in the process, even if he hadn’t meant to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first time Julie dropped the meaning for the word pansexual, Luke nearly dropped his guitar. He doesn’t know, cannot really explain it, but it takes one look at Alex, who looks at him not quite like he hung the stars in the sky but rather as if he finally found the right key to the door. There is an odd sense of calmth to him, as if his world didn’t get turned upside down, even when his words get caught in his throat. It makes sense, except it doesn’t, but he doesn’t question it, because why would he? Death didn’t offer answers, and Luke is scared that he is one step closer to crossing over with each answer he gets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reggie tells him that he has mad chemistry with Julie, and Luke doesn’t know what possesses him to fire back that it’s not just Julie. It isn’t just Julie. Just because they share a passion doesn’t mean that she is the reason his heart keeps skipping beats every time she smiles at him. It’s not just Julie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s also Reggie, and perhaps he only realises the moment he looks him in the eyes and has to hold himself back from kissing the other boy. Perhaps he sees a history they shared flash behind both their eyes, a realisation that had been kept behind lock and key, finally allowed into the sun. Yet Reggie deflects, or at least Luke thinks he does, and before he even realises it they’re playing again, and it shouldn’t matter, but Luke’s head is filled with even more questions than he could ever answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s Julie, and it’s Reggie, and it’s neither of them, and it’s Luke, because why must he be so confused about everything he has ever known? He is playing a game of pretend even he doesn’t know the rules to, and he tries to keep up, but the world is running away from him and he doesn’t know what to do to try and keep up. Some days Luke wished that everything around him could stop for a second, slow down and let him catch up, to finally understand all the questions he had yet to ask. The answers never came, and as Luke saw Reggie and Julie slowly stepping away from Luke without him knowing what happened that warranted such a response, he couldn’t help but run after them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He missed seeing Reggie’s smile during practice, hearing Reggie’s laugh whenever one of them played the wrong chord by accident. Missed sharing the mic when they sang together, missed sitting just slightly too close to be okay on the couch together. Something had been bothering Reggie and it pained Luke that he didn’t know exactly what it was or how to solve it, but most of all that he hadn’t even noticed at first Reggie growing silent in the first place.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He missed Julie’s voice as she sang, the words there even when she seemed to go back to the state Luke had first met her in. Perhaps that was what hurt Luke the most, because he had noticed, of course he had, even if he hadn’t realised it at first. What had there been to realise? When Luke first met Julie she was wishing for a world to slow down a bit so she could catch up, and Luke knew that sometimes she would still wish for it, but with each passing day Luke was starting to worry about her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t help but wish that, above anything, it wasn’t him that had driven them away. Luke knew that he had a horrible track record of pushing people away, of hurting them when he hadn’t meant to—even if Alex had never told him Luke knew that it was his fault, that it always had been—but he wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to forgive himself if his own problems drove Julie and Reggie away. They deserved better than his insecurities, his uncertainties, his being.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke watched, trying to reach out, scared that if he didn’t he would be left all alone again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luke watches, and Julie watches back, and for a second they’re back behind that piano the first time it was just the two of them, when all that brought the two of them together was their shared love for music. Luke sometimes wishes he could go back, if only for a day, to those days where all he had to worry about was people being able to see him when he sang, and the fact that Bobby had stolen his music as if it had meant nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it’s not then, it’s now, and while Julie isn’t looking away, Luke cannot help but feel like this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. Something is missing, and it only takes him a second to realise that that something is Reggie, quite literally, because from one moment to the other the bass had simply vanished, and the bass player together with it. Luke is looking at Alex, at Julie, at the place Reggie is supposed to be, and it feels like forever before any of them are able to react. Luke’s not sure if Reggie had simply gone somewhere because he needed the fresh air, or if some stupid little fact that they had all forgotten about had finally helped him cross over. He doesn’t want to think about that, doesn’t want to think about the idea of Reggie simply being gone. He wants to stand, to run away, to look for him even if it meant never being able to find him because it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>Reggie</span>
  </em>
  <span>, before he remembers that it would only take him a second to travel away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luke leaves, leaves from the studio, leaves to find Reggie, leaves Julie behind, and he cannot help but wonder whether that’s how it will go from now on. Luke might be unsure of a lot of things, but he knows that if his reality would mean losing either Julie or Reggie, he would rather lose himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Luke’s already losing himself.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for staying tuned for this chapter! It took a little longer to write this chapter, because the events of this chapter were very much based on my own experiences figuring out my sexuality, which meant that some moments I had to step back a bit to take a breath. But I'm happy with how it turned out, and I hope that you all like this chapter as much as I do!</p><p>If you liked it please leave a kudo, write a comment on that one line that emotionally wrecked you, angrily message me on discord because "what the fuck", analyse this chapter to hell as if you're an English teacher who is looking too deeply into a piece of literature, write a diary entry about this pretending you're from the 18th century, draw your favourite scene because that's the only way you want to deal with this, text your friends about it even though they still haven't started watching Julie and the Phantoms, cry on the inside because this is such a mood, write a tumblr post about it and tag it with "julie and the himbos" just because you can, or just silently hold your thumbs up to your screen. Whatever you choose to do and not to do, I hope you have an amazing day, and I wish you all the best!</p><p>- feather</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Reggie and Luke</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Luke would always find Reggie.</p>
<p>That was a fact that Reggie had tried to deny many times throughout his life because they were just coincidences, not facts. Luke's hand would brush Reggie's when they were walking down the street and that could just as much happen if he was walking next to anyone, so it doesn't count. Luke would always sit down next to Reggie regardless of if they had class or were just hanging out, but Luke was oftentimes the first one to sit down, so it didn't really count. Whenever Reggie would run away from home, Luke was the first one to find him, but Reggie is sitting in the sand, surrounded by the salty air of the sea and the waves crashing on the shore and Luke wasn't there, hadn't found him yet, which only went to prove that perhaps Reggie was just hoping for a reality that was never really his.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Luke would always find Reggie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was a fact that Reggie had tried to deny many times throughout his life because they were just coincidences, not facts. Luke's hand would brush Reggie's when they were walking down the street and that could just as much happen if he was walking next to anyone, so it doesn't count. Luke would always sit down next to Reggie regardless of if they had class or were just hanging out, but Luke was oftentimes the first one to sit down, so it didn't really count. Whenever Reggie would run away from home, Luke was the first one to find him, but Reggie is sitting in the sand, surrounded by the salty air of the sea and the waves crashing on the shore and Luke wasn't there, hadn't found him yet, which only went to prove that perhaps Reggie was just hoping for a reality that was never really his.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And so Reggie was alone, on a beach that wasn’t really his anymore, wishing to be somewhere he couldn’t be. He knew that he was being unreasonable, that he should return before his friends found him gone. Would they even realise that he wasn’t there anymore? Or would they have continued their rehearsal without him, oblivious to the fact that he had left?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was stupid to think so much about his feelings, Reggie knew that, but he couldn’t help himself staying stuck in the thoughts regardless. Above all, with countless possibilities running through his head, Reggie didn’t know what he wanted anymore. Did he want to be found, did he want Luke to be there, to vent about his feelings without ever actually saying anything, to fake being okay like he had done all those times ago?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Reggie remembered when Luke and Alex dated, when he had felt more isolated than ever, when the fights between his parents first got bad. Reggie fell, and nobody was there to catch him or to break the fall. Reggie fell and got himself hurt but smiled himself through everything, and even now he wasn’t sure if anybody had ever noticed that the boy behind the wide smile wasn’t as okay as they had thought he was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Would this be a repeat of the last time? Reggie, hurt and broken, and the world around him continuing as if he didn’t matter?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But there is a hand on his arm, an arm around his shoulder, a boy pressed against him, and he’s not alone. Reggie hadn’t realised that someone had found him, someone who could see him, could touch him, someone who had sat down and whose first thought had been to comfort this stranger they probably didn’t even know and- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you had crossed over.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-oh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not a stranger, it’s Luke, and the tears were back before he even realised what was going on. He hadn’t quite realised the effect of his actions, hadn’t wanted to be so selfish to think they would hold any influence, any power. Perhaps it had been selfish, however, to think himself unimportant enough that the world would simply continue spinning without him. He has to choke back a sob, try not to curl up too much into Luke’s arms, but he has been wanting this for far longer than he had allowed himself to acknowledge. And so he does, hides his face in Luke’s chest, allows himself to just exist, even if it is for just a second, to savour the moment he will inevitably have to give back to the universe once they leave the beach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I haven’t, so there’s that.” </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>He’s not even sure why he says these words, why he doesn’t just say what’s going on, instead dancing around the subject that’s hanging in the air between them, bubbles waiting to be popped by one of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luke’s grip on him tightens, and Reggie has to hold himself back from breaking all over again. And so he tries to shift his focus to something that isn’t him and his reality breaking around him. The sea is slowly retreating back from the shore. The sand is still slightly damp from the rain earlier today. The sun is hiding behind a set of clouds that weren’t there five minutes ago. His hands are sweating. Luke's hands are trembling. Julie isn’t there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He feels selfish, and stupid, that even when he’s in Luke’s arms like he had dreamed of some days, Julie is still occupying his thoughts, and he knows that logically she’s not there because the beach is not exactly close by for her to have walked there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This is not how he wants this to go. He doesn’t want it to just be Luke, doesn’t want this to feel so empty when he knows he’s not alone. Luke’s presence is overwhelming and unavoidable and welcome and yet so empty and Reggie doesn’t quite know what to do with it or how to act on it. He’s not even sure if he should act on it, if he should speak up and answer to whatever it was that his mind had come up with. The words keep running through his brain and he wants to say them and hide them away forever and he’s focused on his hands, on the way they’re clutching the fabric of his shirt, on the fact that Luke’s hand is right there and Reggie wants to hold him. Wants to cross that last little bridge, wants to bask in the feeling and allow himself to ask.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, Reggie hides between Luke's arms, between the words he doesn’t dare to say, doesn’t ask, doesn’t reach out for. It’s Reggie, it’s Luke, it’s the two of them together on an isolated beach, and Reggie doesn’t ask but Luke does. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shall we go home, Reg?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Reggie doesn’t answer, instead stands up when Luke reaches out his hand to him, letting himself be dragged back to the garage, to the studio, to home. Back to Alex, back to Julie, back to a reality where Reggie didn’t cross over but he did leave without saying anything, without letting any of them know where he had gone off to. Luke had found him, but Reggie had still left.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The studio is empty, bar from a little note from Alex. Their friend had gone to Willie, had written a note to tell them, and Reggie couldn’t help but wonder why Alex had to be the one with the brain cells all the time. But there is no music, no tapping, no noise, no nothing, and Reggie takes the time to look at Luke, finally, to try and find an answer he knows he cannot reach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Luke, where’s Julie?”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for staying tuned for this chapter! Again, I should probably not reflect my own problems and thoughts so much on these characters, but alas. One late chapter later, and I've done it again. But it was a fun ride! And I absolutely loved writing this chapter, and I cannot wait to write the next (and last) one!</p>
<p>If you liked it please leave a kudo, write a comment on that one line that emotionally wrecked you, rave about this in the chat of a random Among Us stream on Twitch, angrily message me on discord because "what the fuck", analyse this chapter to hell as if you're an English teacher who is looking too deeply into a piece of literature, mail a postcard of recommendation to your penpal you haven't spoken to in years, write a diary entry about this pretending you're from the 18th century, draw your favourite scene because that's the only way you want to deal with this, rent a small airplane and write about it in the sky, text your friends about it even though they still haven't started watching Julie and the Phantoms, cry on the inside because this is such a mood, write a tumblr post about it and tag it with "julie and the himbos" just because you can, or just silently hold your thumbs up to your screen. Whatever you choose to do and not to do, I hope you have an amazing day, and I wish you all the best!</p>
<p>- feather</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so so much for picking this fic up to read! If you liked it please leave a kudo, write a comment on that one line that emotionally wrecked you, angrily message me on discord because "what the fuck", text your friends about it even though they still haven't started watching Julie and the Phantoms, or just silently hold your thumbs up to your screen. Whatever you choose to do and not to do, I hope you have an amazing day, and I wish you all the best!</p>
<p>If you want to talk to me some more, you can go to my tumblr (@dutch_anon or @fangirling_feels) or come talk to me on the Julie and the Fantoms discord (I'm on there as Secretly Reggie In Disguise)</p>
<p>- feather</p></blockquote></div></div>
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